Ooh, Fred’s Got Slacks on the Boulevard

A woman from Austin, TX is selling her soul on E-bay. Yes, you read that correctly, Carrie Crain is selling her S-O-U-L, which is not to be confused with the sole of her shoe, nor a sole object, nor soul train, etc. The definition of soul, taken from dictionary.com, is:

-noun

1. the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

Why would someone want to sell this?? More importantly, why would someone want to buy this, especially off of the internet? A soul isn’t tangible or visible, so I would imagine it is hard to be sure whether you truly possess someone else’s soul. Unless, of course, you are the devil. I mean, if I was investing in something like someone else’s soul, I think I would want it to be in person, with a confirmed handshake and signed signature and all, not off of E-bay, the same site where people buy smurf lunch trays.

Now, this woman could be duping some poor E-bay addict big time. If she was a smart business woman, she would just tell the buyer (TBD) that she is giving them her soul, but really keep it for herself. How would they know? The only physical evidence the buyer will receive as proof of owning Crain’s soul is in a Magic 8 Ball and a certificate of spiritual authenticity, which I am pretty sure is a made up piece of crap paper. I know if I got a Magic 8 Ball I wouldn’t know if some persons soul was trapped inside.

You may be wondering what gave Crain this idea. Well, Crain is a creative writer and wrote a story about a woman who sells her soul. She wanted to do “research” by actually selling her soul.

“Whoever bids on my soul, they need to take it seriously,” she said. “I hope I transfer all my good, positive energy to them, and they will do great things. That’s what I hope … transfer my creativity to them,” she said.

Can you say, CRAZY?! No, sorry, that was uncalled for. I guess if Crain is that dedicated to her work that she immerses herself in her own characters so intensely, then good for her. Not that many people have that kind of passion for the work they do. I hope she doesn’t think someone is really going to buy her soul and take it seriously. Especially since the offering is coming in the form of a 40 year old Magic 8 Ball.

I’ve got to give it to the people browsing E-bay each day who pass by this auction. They are very clever with their questions and concerns over this purchase. Crain has gotten e-mails from potential buyers asking, will she get a new soul? Is there a warranty? And what’s her return policy? Ha, these are all very good questions if you ask me. Maybe some people really are taking this sale seriously. And, as weird as Crain’s auction is, there have been other outrageous sales on E-bay:

• Some girls auctioned their services as ‘imaginary girlfriends’, who would send the winning bidder pictures of themselves and loving letters, which they could use to pretend they had a girlfriend.
  I’m not sure which is sadder.. the fact that there are guys out there who think they need to pay for an imaginary girlfriend, or that fact that there are girls out there who think guys want them as imaginary girlfriends.
• Nothing strange about selling a wedding dress, you might think – but this was the guy’s ex-wife’s wedding dress. And he modelled it, as well as writing a long screed about his ex-wife in the description. It sold for £3,850.
  Just… why? Why would this man feel the need to put on his ex-wife’s wedding dress, as if that would entice someone to buy it?
• One man tried to sell his kidney on eBay – after all, you only need one, right? Unfortunately it’s illegal to buy or sell human organs. Good thinking, though.
  He should’ve tried the black market…. kidding
• A girl once sold her toenail clippings on eBay, one clipping from each toe. She got a $1 for the set – a low price for the years of joy they no doubt provided to the buyer
  Gee, I wish someone would buy ME ten toe-nails from a complete stranger.
• A ghost. In a jar. Well, why not? The ghost was, apparently, ‘terrorizing’ the man who owned it, and so he decided to capture it and sell it on eBay to someone who might be able to give it a better home.
  Once again, how can one be sure the ghost is really there? Well, hopefully the ghost is living a much happier, better life.
• An 18-year-old British girl sold her virginity on eBay – but it was bought by a businessman who kindly agreed to give her the money without actually taking the ‘service’.
  How sweet.

It seems Crain is not the only creative crayon in the bunch. In fact, one of the boys in my business fraternity (yes, fraternity, NOT sorority – it’s co-ed, so shut it) sold his college tuition on E-bay. No lie. That’s how JB can afford the expensive tuition we’re all paying each year. He put up a picture of himself, his story about his dream to go to my college, and why he could not afford it, and guess what… lucky for him, it was a heart-melting story and people started bidding and donating money to him, and now he has some help paying for school. So I guess selling a person, or a soul, is not that strange after all! – You know I heart you, JB

Unfortunately, the company I work for has blocked E-bay on my computer, but if any of you have the time to check it out, let me know how much Carrie Crain’s soul is selling for. If it’s cheap enough, maybe I’ll look into it